13 Things Mentally Strong Couples Don't Do
Healthy Habits for Love's Longevity
SEX & RELATIONSHIPS
by Amy Morin
5/29/20246 min read
Welcome to the book summary of “13 Things Mentally Strong Couples Don’t Do - Healthy Habits for Love's Longevity” by Amy Morin, written and narrated by Janky Mind.
Introduction
Looking for the secret sauce to a happy relationship? “13 Things Mentally Strong Couples Don’t Do” is your go-to guide! It’s like a treasure map that shows you how to dodge the relationship traps and keep the love boat sailing smoothly.
Think of your relationship as a garden. Sometimes it’s sunny, and sometimes it rains, but with the right care, it can bloom beautifully. This book is like your gardening toolkit. It’s packed with tips to help you talk better, fight fair, and grow a super-strong love muscle – together!
So, if you’ve hit a rough patch, don’t worry. It’s not game over. This summary has got some cool moves to help you and your boo get back on track. You’ll learn how to keep things fresh, chat without the drama, and stick together like glue, even when life gets wacky.
Ready to level up your love life? Dive into this book and turn “us” into unstoppable!
Chapter 1: Growing Together
Imagine finding true love not just once, but twice. That’s Amy Morin’s story—a tale of love, loss, and a second chance at happiness. At 26, Amy faced the heartbreak of losing her first husband. It took her ten years to emerge from that sorrow, but she did, finding joy and love again. Now, she lives a life of adventure on a sailboat with her new partner, using her own love story and two decades of counseling experience to help other couples find their way to stronger, lasting relationships.
Amy knows the rough seas of love well. She’s seen couples fight, try to change each other, and look for an easy way out. At first, she didn’t want to do couples therapy, thinking most people just wanted an excuse to split up. But she learned something important: we all need to feel connected, and our relationships deeply affect our mental health. Healing often comes from better support and communication with those we love.
The secret? Stop the patterns that hurt our relationships. Just like personal growth, improving a relationship isn’t a straight line—it takes hard work and dedication through good times and bad.
Not every couple is meant to be together forever, but we all have the power to make our relationships better. It’s like a dance—if you change your steps, your partner will too. By working on ourselves, we inspire change in our relationships. With time and effort, we can move past old wounds and build stronger connections that last.
Chapter 2: Tackling Troubles Together
Let’s talk about Maria and Luis. They’ve been married for 30 years, raised three wonderful sons, and now the nest is empty. Suddenly, Maria feels a gap between them that she doesn’t know how to close. They’ve always put their kids first, and now they’re left with a shaky connection.
Maria isn’t one for deep talks, and she’s scared that discussing her feelings might just lead to fights. But she can’t shake off the feeling that something’s missing. She wants to feel close to Luis again.
Turns out, the happiest couples are those who face their problems head-on, even if it means tough talks. They work on strengthening their bond instead of getting stuck on what can’t be changed.
With a little nudge from her therapist, Maria gathers the courage to ask Luis out for small adventures—like a play or his favorite dinner spot. And guess what? He’s all in. On a hiking trip, Luis opens up, sharing his own fears and regrets, exactly what Maria hoped for.
Maria learns that bringing back the spark isn’t about blaming Luis for what’s missing, but about creating fun moments for meaningful chats. It’s about finding solutions, not pointing fingers.
The therapist tells her, “It’s all about how you talk about the tough stuff. Use ‘I feel’ statements, own up to your part, and try to understand Luis’s side too. And remember, if things get too heated, it’s okay to pause the conversation.”
As they spend more quality time, Maria and Luis start really connecting, sharing their concerns and dreams. Maria lets go of her bitterness about their past emotional gap. Now in her 50s, she feels like she’s finally got the companionship she’s been missing.
The lesson here? It’s never too late to address the issues that have been piling up. Care for your relationship, communicate better, and be kind to yourself and your partner as you work through it. Don’t let the problems linger. With some love and effort, you can turn your relationship around for the better.
Chapter 3: Unraveling Secrets
"Secrets can turn our lives into a real-life drama, just like in Walter Scott’s famous saying about the mess deception can cause. Adults often get caught up in secrets, whether they’re big or small.
Take Autumn, for example. She felt betrayed when she found out her husband, David, was subscribing to his college ex’s explicit content on OnlyFans. David played it down, not understanding why Autumn was so upset.
But Autumn was hurt. She couldn’t overlook David’s secret online activities and started doubting herself and their relationship. David didn’t want to admit his fault at first, but he finally agreed to couples counseling. There, he came clean, which was the first step towards healing their relationship.
Keeping secrets can lead to all sorts of trouble. They create suspicion and stress, and they’re exhausting to maintain. When there’s a lack of trust, secrets seem to find fertile ground. The best couples face their issues together, no matter how tough, instead of hiding them.
If you think your partner is keeping secrets, don’t freak out. Start by talking about what privacy means to both of you. Setting clear boundaries can help avoid misunderstandings and trust issues later on. Every couple is different, so find what works for you based on your personalities and values.
If you’re hiding something, think about why. Are you embarrassed, worried about judgment, or scared of giving up something you like? Figuring out why you’re keeping secrets is the first step towards being honest with each other.
But it’s not just about confessing; it’s about what you do next. If you’ve been hiding something like money problems, get help, be open about your finances, and maybe let your partner help manage the money for a while to rebuild trust.
Telling the truth about secrets isn’t easy, but it can bring you closer and clear the air. With some effort and understanding, you can work through years of hidden truths and get back to being real with each other."
Chapter 4: Rediscovering the Spark
Ever caught yourself questioning if you’re in the right relationship? You’re not alone—many people do. Let’s dive into the stories of two couples who faced this very dilemma.
Jillian, a dedicated teacher and mom, was at her wit’s end with her husband Marcel’s messy habits. Arguments about chores were their daily soundtrack. In therapy, they were asked to think back to the days when they first fell for each other. What had changed since then?
Michael and Paul, too, found their once-exciting love life replaced by routine and irritation. The little things that once charmed Michael now just annoyed him.
Here’s the thing: love changes over time. The initial rush fades, but that doesn’t mean the flame has to die out. Remembering what made you fall in love can reignite those warm feelings.
Their therapist’s advice? Write down what you love about each other. Michael and Paul did just that, and it worked wonders. They rediscovered their appreciation for each other, making it easier to tackle everyday conflicts.
The lesson is to focus on the love story that brought you together. Relive those early days, go on stress-free dates, and make new memories. Exchange gifts that remind you why you chose each other. It’s about celebrating the journey of love and navigating life’s challenges with the one you found in this vast world.
Final summary
Think of love as a garden that needs regular care to flourish. It’s not just about avoiding the weeds of blame; it’s about watering the seeds of personal responsibility and compassion. When one person opens up, it invites the other to do the same.
Love isn’t just a feeling; it’s doing the work, day in and day out, to show you care. It’s about keeping that emotional connection alive and safeguarding the trust you’ve built. This way, your relationship won’t just survive; it’ll grow stronger and more beautiful with time.
About the author
Amy Morin, the voice behind the viral TED Talk “The Secret of Becoming Mentally Strong,” knows a thing or two about this. She’s not just a therapist; she’s a teacher of resilience, a podcast host, and an author whose insights on mental strength have reached millions worldwide.