I Didn't Know I Needed This
The New Rules for Flirting, Feeling, and Finding Yourself
SEX & RELATIONSHIPS
by Eli Rallo
3/11/20249 мин чтение
Summary of “I Didn't Know I Needed This - The New Rules for Flirting, Feeling, and Finding Yourself” by Eli Rallo, written and narrated by Janky Mind.
Introduction
Discover the ultimate guide to the wild ride of modern dating with "I Didn't Know I Needed This." From flirty moments to heartbreaks, TikTok star Eli Rallo spills the beans on the dating scene with her unique blend of humor and real talk.Modern romance is like a maze, filled with confusing situations and swipe fatigue. Don't worry, though! This fun guide, inspired by Eli Rallo's own experiences, is your ticket to navigating the chaos of dating in your twenties. Expect laughs, insights, and some serious truth bombs about flirting, first dates, and heartbreak.Grab a drink, get comfy, and let's dive into the rollercoaster of love together!
Lesson 1: Embrace Self-Love
Let's be real, modern dating is a rollercoaster of emotions. Everyone makes it seem like finding "the one" is the ultimate goal in life, making being single in your twenties feel like you're not quite nailing adulthood. Endless dates and swiping can leave you drained, especially with ghosting and late-night texts from exes thrown into the mix.
But what if being single isn't just a waiting game? What if the real goal is to fall head over heels for yourself? TikTok sensation Eli Rallo once found herself obsessing over guys who didn't text back, using external validation as her lifeline. That was until she had an awakening—realizing she didn't even enjoy her own company, so how could she expect someone else to?
That was a game-changer. Eli decided to hit pause on dating, focusing on self-discovery instead. No more flings or situationships. It was time to cultivate self-love.
Before handing your heart to someone else, build a relationship with yourself. Spend quality time alone, discover your passions, and treat yourself to solo dates. Create a girl boss vision board, featuring adventures and places that ignite your soul. Whether it's conquering Machu Picchu or crushing it at the gym, this is about finding what truly makes your heart beat faster.
Take a look at your friend group, too. Say goodbye to toxic vibes and gossip. Surround yourself with people who inspire rather than drain you. Schedule weekly girlfriend dates as essential self-care.
Once you know what makes you happy and are surrounded by positive connections, you'll stop chasing guys like it's a job. Wear that crop top just because it makes you feel fabulous. Learn to flirt for the thrill, free from expectations. Say goodbye to unnecessary post-date obsessions.
As self-love becomes a habit, you'll exude magnetic confidence. When you do find someone special, they'll complement your already amazing life, not complete it. So, here's to embracing and celebrating the awesome person you are!
Lesson 2: Embrace the World of Dating Apps
The dating game has shifted drastically with the rise of online platforms, and let's face it – it's a game of highs and lows. If you've ever experienced the excitement of matching with someone cute, only to be hit with the disappointment of things fizzling out, you're in good company.
Eli knows the drill, spending countless late nights swiping, living for those adrenaline-inducing "ding!" notifications. Even with seemingly promising matches, most of her online romances were short-lived. Sound familiar? But here's the deal: online dating doesn't have to be an emotional rollercoaster. With the right mindset and a few tricks up your sleeve, it can be a fun way to put yourself out there and maybe even find someone special.
First and foremost, ditch the shame! Meeting people online is the new norm, with almost half of couples making connections in the digital realm. There's nothing taboo about it, so proudly own your story.
Craft an authentic and approachable profile that reflects your true personality. Get your friends to help you choose friendly prompts and a mix of genuine solo pics. Remember, the goal is not to present an idealized version of yourself but to attract someone who appreciates the real you.
When chatting with your matches, make it easy for them to engage by asking questions, sharing stories, or expressing your opinions. And after a lively chat, don't let the conversation linger for weeks. The whole point is to meet up in person within a couple of days.
Approach each date with the mindset that chemistry is a rare find, so there's no pressure. Getting to know new people should be enjoyable. Worst-case scenario, you share a drink and part ways. But the best-case scenario? You hit it off, share a kiss, or even stumble upon a new relationship. Keep in mind that nothing real will happen until it does, so give things a fair shot and resist the urge to get too attached too quickly.
View online dating as a playground for connection, not a battlefield for love. With self-confidence and an open heart, swiping becomes less of a dreaded task and more of a potential adventure. Who knows – maybe the next witty banter with a stranger will unlock something truly magical!
Lesson 3: Mastering First Date Essentials
Ever found yourself in a frenzy about what to wear, say, or order on a first date? Maybe you've stressed over making the perfect impression. Eli can relate – she used to cancel dates due to anxiety about being liked. But then she had an epiphany: it's not just about them liking you; it's about you liking them too!
First dates don't have to be nerve-wracking ordeals. With the right mindset, they can be enjoyable chances to connect with someone new. The key is to relax, embrace your true self, and see the date as a casual opportunity to get to know each other.
To set the right mood, establish a pre-date ritual. Listen to your favorite music while getting ready, wear an outfit that boosts your confidence, and remember, it's about feeling good for yourself, not just impressing your date. First dates are like test drives, not high-stakes auditions.
During the date, be genuine and don't pretend to be someone you're not. You deserve to find someone who appreciates the real you. While you don't have to spill your deepest secrets immediately, be open about your quirks, interests, and opinions. Order food you genuinely enjoy, but avoid an immediate emotional dump. If the date goes well, discuss the potential for a second date before parting ways. Be clear about your expectations early on, whether you're looking for something casual or committed.
Schedule the second date about a week after the first to maintain excitement and momentum. Choose a different activity to see each other in a new light. At this stage, it's perfectly fine to date other people to avoid fixating on one person.
Despite the pressure for second dates to escalate, avoid forcing anything serious. Stay present and don't prematurely label those "butterflies" in your stomach as true love, especially if anxiety is involved. Genuine attraction develops slowly through meaningful conversations and shared experiences.
Think of the first few dates as learning experiences. The person may become something special, or they may not. You're trying each other on, not making lifelong vows. As long as you focus on enjoying the moment together, it will be time well spent.
Lesson 4: Cultivating Healthy Relationships
Ah, the enchanting early days of a new romance, where stars fill your eyes, and butterflies flutter endlessly in your stomach. While it's tempting to revel in this magical phase, consider seizing the opportunity to deepen your connection. Dive into meaningful conversations with your partner, discussing childhood memories, values, past mistakes, future dreams, and deepest fears.
Around the fifth date, try the "36 Questions" game, designed by a psychologist to foster a stronger connection. These profound discussions set the stage for long-term intimacy and trust.
But let's face the truth – the honeymoon high won't last forever. Eventually, you and your partner will see each other's flaws. The pivotal question arises: Can you love each other as complete individuals, flaws and all?
If the answer is yes, the journey continues, but it requires effort. Communication is the linchpin, whether you're in the bedroom or at the dinner table. Discussing how to communicate is equally important. Be aware of past hurts and hang-ups, and openly address how to navigate them.
As your relationship progresses, relish in falling in love with the little details and significant discoveries about your partner. Learn about their preferences, hometown, family, and attachment style. Remember, you matter too. Don't lose yourself in the relationship. Focus on self-validation so that you don't rely solely on your partner for affirmation. Maintain connections with friends who will catch you when you fall.
If things take a sour turn, feel free to step back. There's no need to settle; being single is far better than being in a dead-end relationship. And debunk the myth of "the one" – there are many potential soulmates out there. Trust that what's meant for you will come in due time.
Lesson 5: Navigating Heartbreak
Heartbreak is an unavoidable part of life, even in the most enchanting love stories. Look at it this way: the profound pain signifies the depth of your love. The intensity of grief mirrors the height from which you fell when the relationship ended.
Yes, breakups are excruciatingly tough. It's perfectly okay to want to hide under the covers with a pint of Chunky Monkey, indulging in a week-long Alanis Morissette cry-singathon. Eli totally supports this therapeutic wallowing! Light some sage, crank up your favorite tunes, and give yourself the space to fully absorb the sadness.
However, there comes a point when you must rise from the unwashed sheets and reclaim your power. Consider a symbolic burial: dig a hole, toss in their hoodie and old letters, and sprinkle some rose petals. Bid farewell out loud, then Treat Yo' Self to a bold new haircut or some snazzy nail art. Shift your focus to celebrating the resilient, single badass that you are.
It's tempting to dwell on depressive thoughts, replaying your faults on an unending mental loop. Resist the urge to listen to those nasty lies. You get to write the next chapter, and it's all about lessons, setting boundaries, and self-discovery. While heartbreak is painful, it teaches us invaluable lessons about love, priorities, and strength.
The toughest part is recognizing that this agonizing pain is temporary. One morning soon, you'll wake up and realize the relentless ache has eased. You're breathing again. That's when you'll know: if you survived this emotional earthquake, you can survive anything. Shed your tears, then slip on your big-girl boots and stride confidently. Your revival awaits, babe!
Lesson 6: Taking Charge of Your Life
Life has a way of throwing curveballs, and Eli discovered this the hard way, spending years trying to be what she thought others wanted. Are you also feeling like you're just going through the motions to impress people? Exhausted from living up to unrealistic expectations?
Here's the secret: you have the power to take control and live life on your terms. Picture yourself as the CEO of your own life, making those executive decisions. It all begins by tuning out external expectations and getting real with yourself. Grab your journal and confront the tough questions – what do you truly want? Forget about what you think you should do; focus on what feels right for you.
It might be scary, but embracing your authentic self brings immense happiness. Toss out those trendy tops that don't reflect you. Say no to things that don't light you up. And when faced with judgment, remind yourself that you're too amazing to care about the haters! Confidence is your ultimate outfit.
Here's a game-changing idea: failing while pursuing something exciting beats playing it safe. Take risks and learn from failures on the path to goals that truly excite you, rather than stagnating out of fear. However, this doesn't mean setting impossible standards. Eli learned to create vision boards with realistic steps instead of overwhelming expectations, like being a happy woman who doesn't count calories and embraces her choices.
Remember, you hold the pen, and only you can write your story. It won't be perfect, but it can be beautiful. So stop waiting for a magical moment. Want to fall in love? Start with yourself! Dreaming of a big trip? Go for it! Craving a fresh start? News flash: any day can be day one!
Roll up your sleeves and start building the life you desire, one step at a time. You've got this!
Final summary
In the journey of love and modern dating, self-love is the compass that guides you through the twists and turns. Whether it feels like a dizzying hellride or a thrilling rollercoaster depends on your attitude toward yourself. Embrace your independence, embark on the journey of self-discovery, set healthy boundaries, and release unrealistic expectations before diving into romance.Approach dating as a joyful exploration, free from expectations, anxiety, and unnecessary drama. Establishing good communication from the beginning creates a foundation of intimacy that can weather the inevitable ups and downs of relationships. Even heartbreak, though painful, offers an opportunity for profound self-discovery and a clearer understanding of your desires.In the end, by honoring your most authentic self, you open the door for what is meant to come into your life. Trust in yourself and the journey ahead.
About the author
Eli Rallo is a multifaceted content creator and author who achieved viral success on TikTok in 2020. Hailing from New Jersey, Rallo holds a master's degree in journalism from the prestigious Columbia University. In addition to her TikTok fame, she hosts the podcast "Miss Congeniality," where she delves into topics related to pop culture, lifestyle, and mental health. "I Didn't Know I Needed This" marks her debut as an author, offering readers valuable insights into the complexities of modern dating and relationships.